Jack Sass!

We Get Letters

Dear Jack Sass,

Is it just me or does everyone else think they look and sound spastic on video? LOL! OK, I'll explain.

I had to write a self-critique after watching myself giving a speech that was taped, and really, I couldn't stand it. I was sitting there on the floor cringing and covering my eyes and face when watching myself on tape... does anybody else think I sound like a drunken high person? Is my voice really that penyek? Why do I sound so different to myself when I'm actually talking than when I'm listening to a playback of my voice?

Signed, Tami in Miami


Dear Tami in Miami,

It seems to me that normally I'd refer this to our Reference Guess department, but since I have a little experience with public speaking, I'm gonna wing it!

When your friends speak, you hear them through your ears. When you speak, you hear yourself not only through your ears, but through the nasal passages, sinuses and other relatively empty parts of your head. It's also quite common for adolescent girls to be more emptyheaded than the rest of us which exacerbates the problem. Of course, you could just have a crappy larynx and a 'tin' ear.

As for how you look, it seems to me that if mirrors are not forbidden where you live, you're probably okay. On the other hand, if you start taking all your meals in front of mirrors, that can be a problem too.

I do have a question about your use of the term 'penyek' which according to my research means 'flattened' in Malay. It seems to me I don't get it...but...I'm not as hip as I used to be.

Signed, Jack Sass!

It's News to ME!

ALA's Gorman Blasts Bloggers

Even I've heard of this guy...he wrote one of my textbooks. When the president-elect of our profession's leading organization goes out of his way to berate a new technology and those who practice it, I see the digital divide widening amongst the very people called to close it. Can these leaders be so far removed from me?

In case you missed it, here's an excerpt: "It is obvious that the Blog People read what they want to read rather than what is in front of them and judge me to be wrong on the basis of what they think rather than what I actually wrote. Given the quality of the writing in the blogs I have seen, I doubt that many of the Blog People are in the habit of sustained reading of complex texts. It is entirely possible that their intellectual needs are met by an accumulation of random facts and paragraphs. In that case, their rejection of my view is quite understandable." The full text of Gorman's article 'Revenge of the Blog People' is available at the Library Journal site or just click on the link above.

I'd like to point out a two sentence quote from 'Candidate' Gorman in March 2004: "I am committed to the profession and the mission of ALA. I am not a fan of new initiatives and themes."

-Interview with Michael Gorman by the Nominating Committee of NMRT as posted to NMRT-L. I found it at Confessions of a Mad Librarian and it includes the entire two page interview.

Maybe this should come as no surprise. Apparently, I'm going to have to pay closer attention. Damn!

Guestberry

Frankenberry is our latest Guestberry! Past Guestberries include Halleberry and Kenberry. Congratulations to j. brotherlove for correctly guessing the next Guestberry. Your chance to win the next Guess the Next Guestberry is located elsewhere in this mess. Look around! 

Libraritarianism

Rules were meant to be broken, right?

As a closet libertarian, I feel most laws are restrictive and limit my avenues for expression. There are times when I'd like to express my sense of freedom by driving down the Interstate at 110 mph. Sadly; our society has devised restrictive dictums to squash my spirit. What is the plural of dictum anyway, dicta? Perhaps both dictums and dicta are correct. Ain't English swell?

Jack Sass!

We Get Letters (Sometimes very topical ones!)

Dear Jack Sass!

Why isn't the American Library Association's Library Bill of Rights the law of the land? Why aren't libraries forced to uphold these principles?

Signed, Miss Samantha


Dear Miss Samantha,

To force any set of ideas, even a set of rights, is to withdraw the right of choice. Is there any more basic right? The nuns taught me when I was just a wee lad that choice, free will, if you will, is what separates us, elevates us above the animals.

Perhaps in this case we might take a lesson from pop culture. The "Pirate's Code" was an essential plot point in the feature film Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, starring Johnny Depp. While cannon fire from the Pearl punishes Port Royal and her pirates pillage, a group of them chance upon the story's ingénue, Elizabeth Swann, daughter of the governor. As sweet Elizabeth faces kidnapping or worse, she invokes the Pirate's Code and demands the right of "parley" with the pirate captain.

I must digress a moment to explain that, according to my brief research, there was not a universal pirate's code in actual practice. There were however, "Articles" of conduct enforced upon ship's crews and other gangs of pirates. There was also a robust camaraderie among the pirate brethren. Another pirate was your "brother" and entitled to what we today might refer to as "professional courtesy." So there might well have been a precedent for "parley" in actual pirate discourse. And now, back to our story...

With her jaw firmly set, the intrepid Miss Swann negotiates a cessation of hostilities with the evil Capt. Barbossa. Barbossa, as played by Geoffrey Rush, mistakenly believes Swann is the offspring of the late pirate Bootstrap Turner, and Turner family blood is part of the key to remove the curse of the Black Pearl. As the Pearl sets sail with her still aboard, she furiously insists that Barbossa has violated the rules of parley and the pirate's code and must release her. Barbossa replies:

"First, your return to shore was not part of our negotiations nor our agreement, so I must do nothing. And secondly, you must be a pirate for the pirate's code to apply and you're not. And thirdly, the code is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules. Welcome aboard the Black Pearl, Miss Turner!"

So I recommend we morph and amend the ALA's Bill of Rights into the Unendorsed Guidelines and Suggestions. The libertarian in me is certain the UGS will be a powerful tool for mediocrity, and if you choose to embrace it, let me be the first to say "Welcome aboard, Miss Samantha!"

Whaddayathink?

One of the blog directory services asked for a brief description of the content here.

"Goofy, but caring, aging student librarian embraces library issues and anything remotely associated that could, in some context, in certain circles, be considered vaguely humorous."

Whaddayathink?

Guess the Next Guestberry

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Your guess is as good as the next!

Make your prediction by clicking on 'comments.'

Hey, ALA!

TV Script for Sale. Cheap.

Cyndy the Cybrarian

Scene: Interior high school hallway…students are rushing about, checking inside their lockers. We are walking past the activity toward double doors with a sign above that says LIBRARY. A teenage boy’s hand with appropriate beads and leather bracelet on his wrist comes into view from the right and pushes open the door and we continue inside. We approach a desk with a sign that says REFERENCE. Behind the desk is an attractive redhead twenty-something with long pigtails, lots of makeup, wearing a midriff-baring skin-tight red leather mini-skirt outfit. She could be a rock groupie. She’s sort of half leaning out of her chair, chewing gum, twirling a pigtail.

(Cut to Medium Shot of young man approaching the desk. He stops.)


YOUNG MAN

“Uh, I need to write a project on energy.”

(Cut to Cyndy as she sits up in her chair.)


CYNDY

“Well, you know you could do something on the national power grid and why it needs to be upgraded before we’re all in the dark for days. Or maybe steam energy, the power of the industrial revolution…the power of the first transcontinental railroad and the great steamships. Or atomic power…the difference between fission and fusion…atomic half-lives…or the enormous, secret effort of the Manhattan Project, Fatman and Little Boy, Trinity, Einstein and Oppenheimer.”

(Cyndy now slides behind her keyboard and is staring at the screen as she types furiously and continues to speak non-stop.)

CYNDY

“Solar power! Did you know it takes eight seconds for the light, the energy, of the sun to travel the 93 million miles to Earth? Fire, that’s energy. Food energy! Wind! Waves!"

(She stops typing, turns to the young man and slightly raises an eyebrow, sits up straight and throws out her chest a bit in excellent sitting posture. She continues in a lower voice, speaking more slowly, more conspiratorially)

CYNDY

"Or you could do a few pages on how String Theory may soon resolve the differences between Quantum Mechanics and the General Theory of Relativity and become the one true Theory of Everything!"

(Her eyes widen a bit as she awaits his reply and we…

Cut to other scenes in the library as other librarians help students. {One librarian is older but dresses in goth garb, the other is in hip-hop urbanwear with lots of the bling-bling.} The first locates a book for one student and the other leans toward a computer monitor while a student points to it, smiling.)


ANNOUNCER

(Voice-over) Librarians are skilled at finding information wherever it may be…and they really, REALLY, want to help YOU!

(Cut to Cyndy looking into the mirror inside the bathroom of a modest home, taking off the layers of makeup. She’s dressed comfortably and respectably. Her leather outfit lies on the bathroom chair next to the counter full of lipsticks, rouge and powder. From a new angle now we see the bathroom door and a man wearing a dress shirt and loosened tie walks into the room carrying a toddler in his arms.)

HUSBAND

"Hi, honey. How was work today?"

(Cyndy turns toward him and shifts onto one hip.)

CYNDY

"You know I love my job…but sometimes I wish it wasn’t so hard to get their attention!"

(Cut to a three-shot and Cyndy reaches for the toddler and nuzzles him. Everyone smiles and hugs. Camera pulls out to include the leather outfit on the chair.)

Superimpose “Honor Thy Librarian”

ANNOUNCER

Voice-over: "Honor thy Librarian, because…"

(Add superimposed ‘You can’t tell a book by its cover!’)

ANNOUNCER

"You can’t tell a book by its cover!"

(Add Superimposed ‘A message from the American Library Association and your library.’)




Copyright © 2004 Jack McCracken. All Rights Reserved.

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Jack Sass!

We Get Letters

Dear Jack Sass:

Hey! It seems as if I've read your bio before.... have you gone to school at Highline Community College in the recent past? On-line?

Signed, Teresa :-)


Dear Teresa :-),

Not that I recall. So that means there's another truck-driving former television newsanchor out there? From Buffalo? Saints, preserve us!

-Mr.Jack

Reference Guess: Sasquatch

Today's Reference Question: Does Bigfoot really live 'round here?

It seems to me there's enough open forest to support Bigfoots (Bigfeets, Sasquatcheses?) and enough people to ensure the occasional bumping or sighting. You won't find any statues of them 'round here as you would of Paul Bunyan or John Henry in other parts of the country. I don't hear much talk about them either.

There is at least one town in northern California that has adopted the whole Bigfoot tourism thing, but they smoke a lot of reefer in northern California. The Northwest is decidedly laid back and people 'round here don't fret about much until there's a cougar in the backyard!

The library catalog had more than 50 books come up using Bigfoot as a keyword. It seems to me that more than a few of them are checked out...so...maybe folks just don't talk about the beasties...or maybe they just don't talk to me about them!

Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go walk the dragon.

Lib Marketing Treasures!

I believe more libraries need to start thinking like businesses, especially in the area of marketing, if they want to survive and thrive in this era of dwindling funding. Marketing Treasures is a dedicated monthly library marketing e-zine and I believe it will certainly be worth your time to take a look!

Click on the link above.

"Mum's the word!"

Howdy!

Hi, I'm Mr.Jack the Student Librarian. I was born a long time ago in the city that Sports Illustrated called the armpit of the East: Buffalo, New York. Later that day; June 17, 1954, U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy of Wisconsin announced that communists had infiltrated atomic power plants and the CIA.

The day I turned eighteen, the Washington Post’'s Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein were sniffing out the story after five well-dressed men wearing rubber gloves were arrested in an attempt to bug the Democratic National Committee’'s sixth-floor suite in the Watergate hotel. So, suffice to say, with the possible exception of Cold War duck and cover drills, and my haunting performances as a boy soprano at St. Paul’s' Church, my childhood was pretty uneventful.

In the fall of 1972, my plan to escape Buffalo reached fruition. I packed up the nine-year-old Ford Country Squire station wagon, filled up the tank with 26 cents-a-gallon gas, and headed off for my first of many college adventures. What I learned at Herkimer County Community College includes how to accept criticism; speaking whole sentences without saying “uhmm-“or “ahhh-“, and you can’'t maintain a 3.5 average working forty hours a week. Well, I can’'t. So except for jump-starting my career in radio and television, meeting the first Mrs.Jack, and graduating with honors, my first crack at college was pretty dull.

I spent the next twenty years working in a dozen small to medium towns in radio as an air personality and salesman, and in television as a reporter, photographer and newsanchor. Occasionally, I’'d pick up some extra cash acting, or doing stand-up comedy! Ten years ago, I needed a change and I wanted to empty my head for a while. I went to truck driving school and started traveling the country. And let me tell you, ten years later, my head is pretty freakin'’ empty!

So except for online poker, interviewing Bill and Hillary (at different times), and my near-death experience on thirteen miles of bad, bad road in northern California, my adult years have been nothing to write home about.

Now I'’ve grown fat and happy while residing in Vancouver, WA in the heart of the beautiful Great Northwest. Books are okay, but I love research, film and music.

I'm looking forward to renewing old acquaintances and beginning new ones with my classmates and colleagues.